And then there was a diamond.

So he proposed.

He got down on one knee, completely unexpectedly, and proposed.

In my very honest opinion, I don't know why this wonderful man wants to marry me!!!! 

Not a clue. 

This past year has been a rush of craziness from start to finish! The unexpected pregnancy.... Buying the house.... Living together... And adapting to a totally new life, which would be daunting enough, without having to adapt to a new relationship as well! We have bickered.... Snapped... Shouted...lost patience.... But somehow here we are. Engaged. My best friend wants to marry me, and I couldn't be happier. I will soon have the same surname as the rest of our little family which fills me with comfort and love, and I can't wait to call Gianni my husband one day.

Before I had Sidney I didn't see the importance of marriage. In 90% of my experiences, marriage has failed.... Miserably. Love has been lost, betrayal caused, and people have been damaged. In this day and age, a happy and respectful marriage is often a rarity. The vast majority of people do not have the values that were once deemed important, and that terrified me. If you had asked me a year ago if I would see myself getting married, I'd have said no, Absolutely not. It meant nothing to me. Sidney has changed that. Massively. 

Once the first couple of months of  hard work, adapting to being a Mum, became the norm, I started to feel a new sense of optimism. This optimism didn't spread to all parts of my life, as I've been very low at times, and those closest to me know that all too well, but it spread to my heart and filled it with hope for a complete family, and the joy that it could bring. 

The turning point, and deciding that being a family (on paper) would bring joy to us all, was a visit to the rose garden where my Grandma's ashes are buried, at the church my Grandpa still attends. Gianni and I took Sidney there to 'meet' my Grandma, and we took pictures with us of my Mum and Grandpa with Sid, to lay down where she is buried. 

On the way there, it was gloomy and raining. I said out loud (as a joke) 'oh come on Grandma, make the sun shine for us or Sidney will get soaked'. When we arrived outside the church, the rain stopped..and the sun came out. Gianni likened it to the scene from Bambi where the birds are singing and the sky was clear. It was bizarre. We talked about my grandma and grandpas marriage, and how they'd never spent a day apart. They were proud of their family, saw the world together, had the same hopes and dreams as one another, and just had the most happy marriage. I realised then that my biggest ambition in life wasn't my career.... Or my own life.... It was to have a beautiful, stable and fun family life. I guess Gianni felt the same.

Yes, sometimes we have looked at each other and considered committing murder, poisoning each other's food, or smothering each other with a pillow whilst we slept. But, we have also looked at each other and been unable to imagine a life with anyone else. We have looked at each other, and at Sidney, and realised that we want nothing more than for him to have two parents who love each other very much, who he can be proud of. We have looked at each other and seen a best friend and a rock who can help carry one another through the dark times. We have looked at each other and seen a future whereby everyone in our circle of loved ones is happy and connected.  

So here we are. Bring on the wedding planning and me taking 'Lawani as a surname'.